Stress - 24 hours from ulcer

Stress is to the 1990's what the starched collar was to business in the 1890's; no-one liked it, it served no useful purpose and it was a pain in the neck.

In fact some people love stress. Male executives like to boast about it in the lavatory, comparing how many ulcers they've got, how many marriages they've had and how long their doctors have given them to live. And then the bastards carry on working twenty hour days until they're eighty.

On the other hand it is no longer acceptable to say your job has no stress. Admitting that your job is stress-free implies you sit there like a vegetable all day staring into space. If your job doesn't have stress it's obviously not worth doing or it's some sort of medieval peasant type job like eel watching or stone masonry or advertising.

The best way to avoid stress is to give stress. If you're a boss and you've got too much on your plate, just scrape it onto someone else's plate. Where's the stress in that? If you're not a boss then you can shout and scream and hold your breath till you go blue - and then come out of the stationery cupboard and go back to your desk.

Many stressed business people find it a comfort to have complex toys on their desk which have no real purpose but are good for fiddling around with, for example computers. Real executive toys that seriously reduce stress are things like a spanking new BMW 7-series or a second home in Tuscany.

Highly stressed bosses try and pretend they're like chocolates - tough on the outside but with a soft fondant centre. If, during great stress, you've ever bitten your boss, you'll know this is true.

Key learnings:

• Stress is life affirming
• It proves you're alive

Until it kills you and then it loses it's effect so why worry?