Hairstyles

You can tell all you need to know about people in business by their hairstyle. With women the rule is big hair equals big business. With men it's the opposite. The less combing stuff you have on your head the more folding stuff you have in your wallet.

Everyone in business acknowledges that bald men are great businessmen, fantastically funny and highly sexual. Everyone in business has to do this otherwise bald men would never have the confidence to come to work. Men with shaved heads are slightly different. They're either in design or they're fanatical members of the local gun club. Very occasionally they're both and you only find this out when you've criticised their creative concept and get shot fifty seven times.

There is one person in every office who has had a transplant of hair from their armpit to their head. They do this to give them renewed confidence and it must work because how else would they have the guts to walk around with a hairstyle that looks like a gerbil has crash landed on their head.

Women at work sometimes have what they call a bad hair day. To a man their hair looks no different, but to the woman concerned it feels like she's had five minutes under a muck spreader. When this happens, women will sometimes put their hair up. Don't take this opportunity to tell them they've got a dirty neck. Occasionally women will have a good hair day. You'll notice this because they keep flicking their hair round in a slow motion shimmering arc. Men have a bad hair day twice a year. It's called a hair cut.